Roasting Preacher Ken

Music by Jon and Jenny Godfrey; Photography by Kevni and Betsy Godfrey

Ken Godfrey Retiring from 47 years in ministry, June 2017

Morning Service, June 11, 2017

Holly Springs United Methodist Church

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Roasting Preacher Ken

By Sandra GOdfrey

       Good morning!

       There is a time to laugh and a time to cry.  And we are gathered here today to commiserate, I mean commemorate, the last 47 years of Kenneth Godfrey’s ministry.

       As his wife, when I think back over the last 47 years, well, I think of– well–Jeff Foxworthy.

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        Let me illustrate. Like Ken, Jeff is also a United Methodist. He ministers to homeless men on Tuesday Mornings. And like Ken, Jeff apparently enjoys laughter. Jeff has made a name for himself by telling Redneck Jokes. I found these on the web.

        “You might be a redneck ….

If you clean your fingernails with a stick…

If you keep a can of RAID sitting on the kitchen table…

If your mother has “AMMO” on her Christmas list…

       And you might be a redneck….

If you sit at the breakfast table and stare at that can of orange juice for more than a minute  because it says—Concentrate.”

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       Several years ago Jeff spoke for the North Georgia Annual Conference of the UMC. He entertained the crowd with similar humor.  These have made the rounds, too.

        “You might be a Methodist….

If you have been in the same church all your life, but have welcomed 27 new pastors.

If it takes you ten or more minutes to say goodbye after church.

                        If you think that tithing means wearing a tie every Sunday.

                        If you hear something funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can.

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And, finally, when you watch a Star Wars movie and the actor says “May the Force be with you,” and you respond,  “And also with you.” You might be a United Methodist.

 

       So, from my humble observation of life, seeing the similarities between Ken and Jeff, I thought it good for us to do a parody of Jeff’s humor and dwell on some finer points of Ken’s 47 years of ministry.  Hang with me here.  We are going back to the archives.

You might be Preacher Ken….

If you are kin to everybody.

If you say “thank you” to everybody including Siri on the iphone and Alexa on Echo Dot

If you sign all of your text messages “Ken.” Period.

 If you run over your iphone and tell your wife not to tell anybody, but somehow your son and daughter-in-law find out and get it fixed.

If your computer gets a glitch and you are pesky as a flea until your other daughter-in-law takes it home for repairs.

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       Now, let me stretch you. I looked for the hardest examples I could find.

You might be Preacher Ken…

If before dawn one morning you secretly dump black hair dye only the top of your head and scare your secretary and you little son. Whoa, Daddy!

       You might be Preacher Ken….

If you attempt to bleach out your black hair dye and your hair turns bright red.

And if somebody at your new church asks was your nickname “Red” when you were a kid and you say, “No, why?”

You might be Preacher Ken…

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If your sermon illustration is supposed to end with Niki, Niki, Niki, but instead you say Nicky, Nicky, Nicky.

            If your church is struggling to raise donations for new hand bells, but in the bulletin you type that funds for the hand bells are currently being raided.

Or if you are the only male who regularly attends United Methodist Women.

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       Now let me illustrate.

If you never eat the last one of anything—raisin, blueberry, peanut, Cheerio, you might be Preacher Ken.

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       You might be Preacher Ken….

If you have a collection of 25 water bottles in your study with only one swig left in each one.

If you smoke six whole chickens every six weeks and when friends call you tell them that you are smokin’ chicken!

And if, according to your daughter-in-law from Korea, your grand kitty has nicknamed you Chicken Man!

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       You might be Preacher Ken…

If you help your wife clean house while dancing with a Swifer Mop to  “I Wish They All Could Be California Girls,” by the Beach Boys.

If you once owned a car horn that played 50 Dukes of Hazzard-style songs….

If you ever took your sons spelunking to Ruby Falls and one called home begging, “Mom, please make Dad take the headlight off of his head….”

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If you take your son’s old SS Camero out for a spin and everyone on 575 wants to race with you….

If you wear GA Bulldogs caps with the shiny authentic label intentionally left on the bill….

If your wife ever had to hire a lifeguard to holler SHARK to get you out of the ocean after dark….  You might be Preacher Ken.

       Now let me bring this nonsense to a close. You might be Preacher Ken if you are going on to perfection….if you have fought a good fight, if you have kept the faith, if you have finished your course….Well, you are not dying,  just –re-retiring.

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       But if your sermons were impeccable…if the bulletin was done on time…and if you were the kindest, funniest, sweetest preacher in the whole wild world….

You would indeed be Preacher Ken!

 https://www.flickr.com/photos/97439600@N05/

Photography by Kevin Godfrey, with Besty Godfrey

Special Music by Debbie Gregory, Jon and Jenny, Carter and Clara

http://benwitherington.blogspot.com/2007/09/gospel-according-to-foxworthy.html

http://www.lilligren.com/Redneck/300_reasons_redneck.htm

Special thanks to Jeff and Ken for being so funny

You Might be Preacher Ken if...

Ken Godfrey Retiring from 47 years in ministry, June 2017 Photography by Kevin Godfrey

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